December 2018 2

 Woman charged for running an illegal massage parlor out of a home in Atascocita

Nancy Camacho is seen being arrested at a home in the 7200 block of Lonesome Woods Trail. Photo courtesy of Click2Houston

A 54-year-old woman is accused of violating Harris County Sexually Oriented Business Regulations while running an illegal massage parlor out of a home in Atascocita, according to county officials.

She's accused of providing sexual services at a home in the 7200 block of Lonesome Woods Trail.

“These type of businesses, either as a store front or in a neighborhood, have been proven to bring additional crime into the area. This one is especially troubling due to its close proximity to Atascocita Middle School and the hours of operation coinciding with the kids walking to and from school in front of the residence," Constable Mark Herman said. "We will not tolerate these types of activities in our neighborhoods and near our schools and will do all we can to ensure those who bring them in are punished to the full extent of the law. Nancy Camacho was arrested, charged with operating a massage parlor without a license and booked into the Harris County Jail. Her bond is set at $1,000 out of County Court 5.”

Neighbors alerted authorities when they noticed an unusual amount of traffic at the home, officials said.

Clients provided written statements to authorities detailing the sexual encounters and said "more than massages were occurring on their visits to her home," according to authorities.

ω Where the fuck do we even start with this mess people? I think I'm going to have to go with bullet points because I'm a fiend for them and this whole story is melting my brain;

• First up, there couldn't possibly be a more apt street name than "Lonesome Woods Trail" for a location where you've uncovered the horrors of an illegal massage parlor.

• I'm just going to come out and say what we're all thinking ok! She looks like "The Joker"!, I'm just not sure I could get a handjob as she'd always be questioning why I'm so serious. I'm serious because is that a wart/mole under her eye? Or, one of those prison teardrop tattoos that signifies a hundred erections murdered?

• Please guys, she's a fifty four year old Joker clone - you can do better than that! It's simple, if the masseuse opens the door and she looks either fifty or a super villain then you simply state “Oh, so you think handjobs are your ally? But you merely adopted the HJ. I was born in it, molded by it. I didn’t see my seed until I was already a man, by then to me it was only blinding"

• "These type of businesses, either as a store front or in a neighborhood, have been proven to bring additional crime into the area". Ok, where the fuck is this study/research that says some masseuse milking the odd load results in criminal elements being drawn to the area? Since when do handjobs attract criminals? Funnily enough, when I visit an erotic massage establishment, I've never had to shuffle past Crips or Bloods in the waiting room. The other clients just appear to be regular dudes like me who are just visiting to get their sacks emptied and I have my doubts that they then return to robbing liquor stores and other additional crime post-orgasm. Shut the fuck up with that nonsense already. I feel safer visiting my local massage parlor than I do my local pub - I guess someone must be out the back of the pub milking dicks?

• "Clients provided written statements to authorities detailing the sexual encounters" - Yeah I'm sure those statements weren't written under duress! Ok let's move on to the next massage news before I blow a fucking gasket.

Click here for the source of the article on illegal massage home business in Atascocita

Ok I think we're going to need some hot massage related smut to unretract those erections that the dopey shit above caused. Rub-a-dub-dub - hot teens giving me a chub.