Erotic Massage Guide 14

Last update we discussed the signs that may alert you to the presence of an erotic massage palor and I'm hoping you took my degenerate advice and put yourself in a position to get yourself a happy ending.

Now that you've found yourself an erotic massage parlor, extras and potentially full service (sex!) are only a stroke away right?

After all, the famous nuclear physicist Pete Sampras once pondered;

Forehand, backhand, forehand, backhand - deuce

I know you're thinking "But if it's an erotic massage parlour dickcheese, then loads MUST be unleashed?"

Sadly not!

Very few erotic massage parlors are actually registered as one...why?

• Too much bullshit red-tape. No parlor owners wants to wade through piles of paperwork just so some horny punter can blow his pitiful loads in a massage room. They also have to worry about health checks for the staff and who can be fucked getting blood tested or supplying a stool sample to some nosy fucker from the local council.
  
  
• They'd miss out on the clientele that are looking for a straight massage. You'd be shocked that there are sick and twisted individuals out there that actually want a straight massage without a happy ending - despicable right?
  
  
• Many clients would be scared off by walking into a place called "Hannah's Handjob Emporium" or "Caitlin's Cum Dumpster" as your life is pretty much fucking over if the wife or your boss see's you scuttling out of those type of joints. If you're strolling out of a place called "Aroma Thai Massage" then it's much easier to pass that epic blowjob off as a "Got a crick in my neck honey!"
  
  
• Local laws often stipulate that an erotic massage parlor can't be in residential areas so clients are forced to drive to dodgy industrial areas where the happy ending could be a carjacking.
  
  

Thanks to these petty fucking local laws and nosy-ass city councils, most erotic massage parlors are masquerading as therapeutic massage shops to circumvent the retarded prostitution laws. For a guy just looking to get his manjam emptied this is very fucking annoying! Due to this, it's not always a given that extras will be offered at a massage parlor. This is especially true if you're a first time customer or look anything like a police officer (thankfully I have the muscle definition of a 12yo boy so I'm never troubled by that!)

If you've visited the massage parlor before and received a happy ending then it's a near certainty you'll be offered one again. You always run the risk of getting a different masseuse though and some may offer alternative extras or none at all *sobs*.

You could ask the massage receptionist if extras are on offer but most staff aren't going to say yes as other legit customers may overhear. Staff realise that it's much more profitable for them to ask you for extras in the privacy of a massage cubicle where you're a slave to your throbbing erection. I tend to take my chances, personally most of the thrill of an erotic massage is not knowing if extras are going to be offered. You do run the risk of blue-balls and a hit to the wallet but it's all part of the experience son.

So you've been led to your massage cubicle and the girl has told you to strip off your clothes, lie down and she'll be back soon. How can you improve your chances of discharging a load?

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