Massage Ramblings 2

Edit: I'm not dead or incarcerated, just been busy setting up a new business. More lewd massage updates soon you troglodytes!

So we've got all the pre-massage formalities out of the way and you are now laying down on the table waiting for the sensual massage to start. This update we're going to discuss the first phase of the erotic massage which is the face-down stage.

The masseuse will often start with dry massage (often by pressing your lard through a towel) to loosen up all your muscles before reaching for the trusty oil. She'll either then totally remove the towel from the equation (good sign), cover your ass with the towel (pretty standard even for an erotic massage) or really tuck it in like you're sleeping child which means the chances of extras just nosedived. Your masseuse should start by applying the oil to pre-warmed hands (it's poor form to be laying ice-cold whitewalker hands on you!) and spreading it across your back. Most masseuses will start with the upper back region but will spread a thin layer of oil over your entire body. This is a key indicator of whether or not extras are on the cards. If the girl spreads the oil and her hands linger or probe your ass/balls area then it's an early sign that she's feeling you out for extras.

I often do wonder what the strange guys only looking for therapeutic massages say when this type of thing happens, do they just keep silent and wonder what the fuck is going on or do they protest and cry "unhand me woman! I will not tolerate this uncouth behavior, have you no manners you soiled dove!". If the girl does linger in a sensitive area, you're welcome to spread your legs a little wider or give an approving sound like "mmm mmm" or "these are not the droids you are looking for!" to show the girl that the attention is appreciated, personally I keep quiet as the not knowing where this will lead is all part of the experience for me.

The masseuse should start with your shoulders and upper back and really work any knots and tense muscles that she comes across. Ideally she should have long and flowing strokes with at least one hand on your body at all times. Symmetry is very critical in a massage so she wants to mirror her strokes on both sides of your body. I can normally tell within 5 minutes if a masseuse knows what she's doing, if she's a rookie or that she doesn't give a fuck about the quality of the massage. If the pressure is too hard to too soft then feel free to give her feedback as your paying for this shit so you want to enjoy it! As I mentioned in the "How to get a massage happy ending?" post, don't lay there like a fucking corpse, try chatting with the girl and building up a connection. An hour is a long time to be trapped in a cubicle together and the girls are often bored out of there minds so if you can make them relax or laugh then it'll improve your chances of scoring some spicy extras. That being said, if you're an awkward bastard and can only communicate via dank memes then don't force a conversation, trust me, she doesn't want to hear about your my little pony collection.

After working on your neck and shoulders, her hands should now drift to your lower back and start stroking and caressing your ass. You'd be surprised how many knots and tender points are in your butt realm so it feels fantastic to have a girl run her oily hands up and down this region. A good erotic masseuse will use this opportunity to subtly slide a finger down your ass crack and tease your anus and balls with a quick oily stroke. It's super hot when the girl doesn't linger in this area and instead teases you with the odd wicked grope which leaves your mind racing with the thought "is this chick going to get me off at the end?". Often the girl will climb onto the table, sit herself on your ass and massage your back as this positions allows her to really put her strength into the action. Following this, the masseuse will then move to massaging your legs and it's generally at this stage of the massage that you'll find out if a happy ending could be on the cards.

The leg portion massage should start with those feminine calves of yours and she'll then cover your upper legs and inner thighs with warm oil. Her strokes will sweep along your inner thighs before subtly running along your balls and teasing your anus. Odds are she'll spread your legs apart so she can gain full access to the organs that control the opening and closing of your wallet. A proficient erotic masseuse will raise your legs to the side so your knee is level with your hips, this gives her a perfect view of your genitals and she can prod, stroke and dislocate until you're squirming with pleasure. Once the leg massage is done, she'll either leave to get the dreaded hot towel (more on this later) or she'll lightly run her finger tips around your ass and balls and may even reach under and slowly stroke your oily cock. It's pretty much a given now that you'll be getting a happy ending.

Next update we'll detail what happens when the masseuse tells you to flip over and that's where the real fun begins. Apologies for the small/lame update, the hard-drive crash had more critical data than I had initially thought so it's been a battle to get everything back up and running.

Happy Endings Fellas