“Now fucking what!?” you plead.
Take it easy big fella. if a true mouth-breather like me can navigate his way through hundreds of blistering hand-jobs and sloppy blow-jobs then you should have no problems. Now I know some of you are pleading “bro I’m socially retarded – I can’t do this!“
Listen – this was me at my gym induction yesterday;
Hot-ass gym trainer: “Thanks for signing up Wallace, we just have one more question for our forms before we’re done. Can you name an ideal body-type, it could be a celebrity, an athlete – whose body inspires you?”
** Don’t say something autistic – Don’t say something austic **
So calm down buttplug, and follow this advice on on how shit should play out once you stroll into the erotic massage parlor. You gotta be subtle though as erotic massage is fairly taboo so staff can’t come right out and ask if you’re here to shoot loads.
Sensual Massage Parlor Tips
The walk-in: So you’ve discarded your mangina and you’re in the parlor. The moment that door closes, you need to be evaluating and deciding what your chances are of a hot masseuse allowing you to butter her hands/mouth/kebab with your gentleman’s relish.
Here’s some details you should be dickballing;
- The mamasan / boss: Many parlors are ran by a boss lady who runs the show, she’s often referred to as the “mamasan” in Asian massage joints. The mamasan can be both an ally and an enemy to a guy looking for an erotic massage so you gotta learn how to charm/work them (more on this later). A good mamasan will do her utmost to make sure a client is looked after and cares most about customer satisfaction and ensuring you’ll come back, She’ll match you with a suitable girl, find out what type of massage you’re after and ensure that everyone’s on the same page.
- A bad mamasan only gives a shit about money and couldn’t care less if you have a good experience, she’s already thinking about the next customer. She’ll bait and switch girls on clients, over-charge for all extras and her girls will watch the clock like fucking ewoks.
- Thankfully erotic massage parlors run by the the bad mamansan’s / harpies soon close shop as they get no repeat business. If a mamasan is present (if not a staff member will follow the same spiel), she will be the first to greet you and she’s bound to ask you the following questions;
How long would you like to stay?“
The standard duration of a sensual massage is one hour but the length is entirely up to you as you’re paying by the hour bud. Here’s my advice;
30 Minutes: Some guys choose to get in, get off and get the fuck out. I refer to these guys as “lunchbreak launchers”. A thirty minute session is ideal if you just want to get off and don’t really give a fuck about the massage. Personally I’m not a fan, the massage is an integral part of the process for me, if you aint getting that then you may as well hit the brothel or spend the lunchbreak with Fiona Fleshlight. A 30 minute session can also be used to establish if the girl provides a good massage and if she does, then the client can choose to extend. This is dicey though as the girl may get booked out and you can’t extend the session (then you’re out of time with a boner!) or she rushes the massage as she thinks you just wanna get off. I’ve never booked a 30 minute erotic massage session but have overheard plenty of customers who have.
60 Minutes: The standard session and what I recommend for all erotic massage first timers. An hour allows the girl to give you a relaxing and arousing massage with plenty of time at the end of the session to peruse her hopefully extensive list of extras.
2 hours + : If you really want to soak in the erotic massage experience then you can lock down a girl for more then one hour. I do this if I know a girl has an erotic massage technique that rocks my world but I would never book a two hour massage with a masseuse I hadn’t tried before. If she’s got shit technique or a menstrual attitude then you’ve locked yourself into that shitty experience for two hours. The other downside to a longer massage session that I’ve discovered is that many girls don’t know how to fill the time. They know exactly how to space out a one hour session and have a set routine of sorts but in a two hour session they sometimes seem a bit lost and randomly jump from one body part to the next. One of the keys to a good erotic massage (and massage in general) is to keep a flow and ensure the massage has symmetry, this flow sometimes gets lost in a longer session. Damn, I’m sounding all educational and shit!
Lastly, the girls definitely prefer the shorter sessions. They make most of their money from coaxing cream from customers so a two hour sessions means they missed out on a potential round of extras. Some of the more popular girls will sometimes decline two hour sessions in favor of two clients in one hour allotments.
Have you been here before?”
This question is a double edged dildo so stop yourself before you blurt out that you’re a nervous, erotic massage virgin. By posing this seemingly innocent question, the mamasan / masseuse is seeking to know the following;
- If you’ve been here before. If you have, there’s a good chance you know that it’s an erotic massage parlor so they don’t have to dance around the subject. It’s much better for the masseuse to start your massage off knowing that you’re here to get get your balls purged. Otherwise she’s left wondering if you’re just a therapeutic freak or a cop trying to entrap her with that half chub you’ve got brewing.
- If you know know how much everything costs (mostly talking about extras here). If your a total newbie then the girls will try and squeeze as much cash out of you as possible as the figure you don’t know any better. If you’ve visited before then chances are you could be a regular and you may be offended/pissed if she tells you it’s double what you normally pay to shit on her chest.
My advice is to say you’ve visited before so you have the best shot at getting at the very least a rub and tug. You don’t want them thinking your some idiot off the street who’s wandered in to get his tennis elbow manipulated. You’re here to experience an erotic massage and having them think you are a regular makes that a much simpler mission. Leave no erections behind – Oorah.
What girl did you see last time?”
Another small test to see if you’ve been here before and if you have, it makes sense to match you with someone you may have enjoyed the company of. They won’t assume you want the same girl as you may feel like some variety or perhaps the previous girl’s snatch smelt like a melted cheese sandwich. So if you’ve got a favorite girl then ask for her and if you’re a newbie who’s trying to disguise the fact, just say you can’t remember her name or “The one that rubs on the lotion”
The boss will then possibly go and get the staff and this is where you need to ensure you get a massage girl that’s going to rock your world. We’ll leave those tips for next update as this shit is nearing on an essay and I’m sure you degenerates just want to furiously masturbate at the massage porn I’ve ejaculated below.
Jessa Rhodes doesn’t usually give freebies but her manager asked her to ‘take good care’ of Derrick Pierce because they were going into business together on a gym. Jessa always goes the extra mile for her clients, but knowing that this customer was a close business associate of her manager made her passion rise to a whole new level. From showing to sucking cock with her nineteen year old mouth in the tub and every extra kindness she could show her man, Jessa does her utmost to impress you in this instant classic massage porn video! They didn’t even make it out of the tub before Derrick was fucking that tight teen pussy and helping Jessa to earn a nice big orgasm. Of course she returns the favor in the massage room, gliding her hairless pussy up and down his body as the hot oil soaks them together. Fucking the cum right out of him, Jessa is destined to earn a reward for her services!