First off, apologies for the large gaps between my online ejaculations. I’ve been distracted with some real-world bullshit but I’m now back to being able to preach to my fellow erotic massage addicts;
Today we will be discussing erotic massage extras and we’ll start off with our childhood sweet-heart “The Handjob”. I trust that most of you savages have experienced over the years both the highs and lows of a juicy handjob. You may have suffered a blistered penis as your girlfriend speed-wanked you before her parents got home or blew a confused load in the locker-room as your gym teach whispered in your ear “shooters shoot”. A badly administered or rushed sinners-handshake can sometimes feel like a bit of a let-down or failure but a great handjob can be pretty fucking gratifying.. We won’t delve into the differences in this update on a good vs bad “rub and tug” but we will rant about how you can help secure yourself one in an erotic massage parlor.
The handjob is pretty much the definition of a happy-ending to an erotic massage visit. If any extras are going to be on the menu, it’s going to start with the handjob and many erotic massage parlours won’t offer anything more exotic than this standard “rub and tug”. Despite a handjob being a mere rung up from wanking out a load ourselves, we all know that substituting your hand with someone else’s hand turns that trouser-gravy explosion from pathetic to ballbusting. I’ve had some mind blowing handjobs over the years from massage girls and here’s some tips and thoughts on the most honest and reliable of massage extras – The handjob.
The Handjob
To keep things simple, we’re going to pretend you’ve had the first part of your oil massage and you’re now laying on your back and praying to god that the masseuse helps disarm your throbbing pair of balls.
Please tell me you have a fucking erection! This is the clearest sign to the masseuse that you can be persuaded for trading your testicular goulash for some currency. If you’re softer than the Browns O-Line than the masseuse could suspect that you’re gay or that you’re one of those peculiar guys that prefer a therapeutic massage experience (fuck those guys). Even if you’re covered by a towel or rocking a pair of underwear, the tented expression of excitement will improve your chances of being propositioned.
We’re going to skip ahead and hope that you’ve read my previous guide on improving your chances of a happy ending. The masseuse has now pointed to your puny manhood and whispered “you want happy ending?”. Great! – you’re on your way to blowing a load into her sweet hand so here’s some handjob tips;
- Don’t be afraid to give advice: It’s your cock and money so it’s totally fine to explain to the masseuse what you like and how she should get you off. Don’t start drawing fucking diagrams or being a dickbag and pointing at penile pressure points or asking her to make an origami swan out of your foreskin – keep it simple. Some girls may be inexperienced or a customer / partner has never schooled them on the art of the handjob. Simple instructions like “a little bit faster”, “more oil” or “gangnam style” will help the girl know what you like and get you off faster / harder.
- Keep it down: Trust me on this, no masseuse wants to bring you a screamingly loud orgasm. She has to worry about what other customers are going to think as sometimes (ok rarely!) other customers are purely there for a therapeutic massage. I’ve heard plenty of women in cubicles next to me chatting about “house of cards” or the price of tampons as my oiled dick is getting jackhammered in the palm of my masseuse. They also have to worry about the boss (not all know there girls are offering extras), neighbours who might report the parlor to the authorities and many girls are plain shy and want to keep the load blowing on the downlow. So next time you want to scream “King of the north!” as you ejaculate, spare a thought for your masseuse.
- You get what you pay for: Listen up here guys as this ones important. If you’ve agreed to and settled on a simple handjob then that’s what you’e signed up for. Whether that’s all the girl has offered (very common), that’s all you could afford or that’s all you actually were after – it’s what you’re going to get. DO NOT try and push the envelope and start trying to fondle the girls tits or clam or say something like “Can you put it in your mouth?”. If you wanted her naked or you wanted a blowjob then that’s what you should have asked for, it’s totally fine to say “Ok, I was a retard and I gotta see see those tits” and upgrade to that happy ending but don’t be a douche and try to strongarm the girl into giving more than was agreed upon. How’d you feel if you agreed on a handjob and she told you to finish yourself or handed you a slimy fleshlight?. Some of you are going to accuse me of being a pussy and pandering to the girls but without rules it’ll be handjob anarchy dammit!
- Ask before you touch: Slightly contradictory to the last point but some girls will be ok with you touching but always ask before you do. Most girls are totally fine with you putting an arm around them or resting it on there back as you get jerked off but most girls will treat there tits and pussy as a no-touch zone on a clothed handjob. Many times I’ve asked the masseuse if it’s acceptable if I put my hand on there back and they’ve later moved my hand to there tits as it’s always a sure fire way to get off a customer faster – hey no argument here! This rule is totally different if you’ve paid for the girl to be nude but still safer to ask before you start petting her hairy unicorn.
- Let her know you’re going to blow: Be a gentleman and let your masseuse know when you’re close to detonating. Some girls are pretty bad at reading the warning signs which will either result in a pretty shitty orgasm due to lack of hand to gland pressure or an out of control hose effect where your load ends up painting half the cubicle which is all fun and games until it lands on your own face – (once it hits your lips!)
After you’ve got off, the masseuse will clean you off with tissues and a towel and will usually disappear to get you a hot towel or a drink. During this time you’ll get changed and get the money ready for the extras. As discussed in previous posts, don’t be a dick and not pay as this ruins it for all future clients as the jaded masseuse will demand up front payments from future clients. Speaking of this, I had a funny incident recently on this very topic. I had just finished an awesome erotic massage and been jerked off by a cute asian girl who we’ll call “Ling” that I’m a regular customer of. She returned to the room with a drink and I had finished getting changed. I slurped down a sip of the drink and said;
“Welp, thanks for the great massage. I’ll see you next time”
*Ling clears throat*
“Ok well talk to you next time”
*Ling clears throat very loudly whilst starting intently at me*
“Ummm is something wrong?”
*Ling makes cement-mixer like sound with her throat and starts darting her eyes at my groin*
“Oh holy shit! I totally forgot to pay – sorry here’s your money”
*Ling chuckles and nods*
Dammit – I was nearly the non-paying douche that I’m always ranting about – FUCK.
That’s all for this update boys. Next update we’re going to discuss the common mistakes a girl makes when administering a handjob. As always, feel free to hit me up with your erotic massage stories and experiences via email wallace @ eroticmassageblog.com. Happy Endings.
Petite Japanese masseuse Marica Hase doesn’t speak a word of English, and her client Justin Hunt can’t understand his service options. He’s interested in a NURU massage but doesn’t know what it’s about, and she can’t communicate in his language. So, the consummate massage professional puts down her fan and escorts him to the shower room. She undresses her client and removes her traditional kimono robe, surprising Justin with her nudity. He follows her into the shower where she washes his body and gently strokes his cock. When he sits on the bench, she sucks it and rides him in reverse cowgirl. After more sumptuous head in the tub, Marica concludes their soak with some vaginal penetration. She slowly fucks his cock from behind, then moves to the NURU mat with Justin. She cloaks him in NURU gel and licks his back as she slides along his body. Playing with the stringy lubricant on her natural tits, she grinds her wet pussy on his leg and almost cums. Then she turns him over and sucks on dick before spooning him for entry. He fucks her deeply and makes her cum, then pulls out to cum on her pussy!