First off, big fat apology for the massive gap between posts. I finally got my shit together and started my own home business (and no it's not an erotic massage den you perverts) so I've been busy slicing through red-rape, getting my office sorted and rejoicing at not having colleagues dismissing my demands to bring back "hubba hubba" as a way to compliment a hot chick. Thankfully my massage urges weren't drowned by all that real-world nonsense and I've actually recently experienced some pretty wild shit when visiting massage parlors so I'll be sure to share in future updates. Before we go there, we need to further educate you on what you can expect when being on the receiving end of an erotic massage. Last update we discussed the face-down aspect of the massage but now it's time to flip the fuck over and show this chick that meager example of manhood that you're microscopin'
"Would you like to turn over?"
Fuck I love those words and you can carve that shit on my gravestone, right next to my gym mantra of "Fuck Lunges". This is where we find out if you're on track for some juicy extras or it's a bog standard massage so heed my words here fellas.
The girls actions when flipping over is a very good indicator of what's to come. When you flip she's well aware that your throbbing erection (you better be hard or all my yoda-like lessons have been for naught) is going to be in full view so her attempts at covering your cock is going to go a few ways;
Either way, your flipped over and your heading to the "Extras Zone". My pet hate is being propositioned for extras the moment you turn-over and this is actually annoyingly common (I find Korean chicks often pull this lame maneuver). I'm of the opinion that the entire erotic massage is a slow buildup to orgasm and getting asked the moment you flip over if you wanna get off just kills that facade for me. Here's why it fucking sucks;
How you deal with that question is entirely up to you, maybe she's worked you up the point where if you don't get off soon, whatever gets ejaculated might be against the Geneva convention. Or perhaps you are like me and hate that shit but you'll no doubt face it at some point.
We'll deal with the actual extras proposition next update - time to get that happy ending!
Be sure to check out Boobday over at the fantastic "A Dissolute Life Means" blog
Logan Long wakes up Christmas morning in bed with sexy girlfriend Gina Valentina. She suspects that Santa came early this year, and Logan follows her into the living room to inspect. Something is waiting in there. It's an air mattress, and Gia wants to use it to give him a full contact NURU Gel massage! It's clear that Logan's excited, judging by the footlong sprouting from his torso. The tiny tattooed brunette pulls off her pajama bra and panties, while Logan lies down on the mat. She pulls her hair back so it's out of the way of the gel she's lubing him up with. Once she's covered herself in the translucent goo, she straddles Logan on the mat and begins to slide her naked body up and down, making friction with his swollen slippery cock. Beholding the little gumdrop nipples on her titties, Logan can't get over how beautiful she looks with his cock all the way in her mouth. Slow and steady she takes all of his big dick in her pussy. She thrusts her weight to fuck him harder. And with the assistance of the sticky wet gel, her movements effectively bring her to a shuddering orgasm. He flips her over and pummels her from on top, but her juicy quim is so tight, it sucks him like a vacuum till he creampies, cumming hard inside her chimney chute, spilling his love juice until her cup runneth over.
Edit: I'm not dead or incarcerated, just been busy setting up a new business. More lewd massage updates soon you troglodytes!
So we've got all the pre-massage formalities out of the way and you are now laying down on the table waiting for the sensual massage to start. This update we're going to discuss the first phase of the erotic massage which is the face-down stage.
The masseuse will often start with dry massage (often by pressing your lard through a towel) to loosen up all your muscles before reaching for the trusty oil. She'll either then totally remove the towel from the equation (good sign), cover your ass with the towel (pretty standard even for an erotic massage) or really tuck it in like you're sleeping child which means the chances of extras just nosedived. Your masseuse should start by applying the oil to pre-warmed hands (it's poor form to be laying ice-cold whitewalker hands on you!) and spreading it across your back. Most masseuses will start with the upper back region but will spread a thin layer of oil over your entire body. This is a key indicator of whether or not extras are on the cards. If the girl spreads the oil and her hands linger or probe your ass/balls area then it's an early sign that she's feeling you out for extras.
I often do wonder what the strange guys only looking for therapeutic massages say when this type of thing happens, do they just keep silent and wonder what the fuck is going on or do they protest and cry "unhand me woman! I will not tolerate this uncouth behavior, have you no manners you soiled dove!". If the girl does linger in a sensitive area, you're welcome to spread your legs a little wider or give an approving sound like "mmm mmm" or "these are not the droids you are looking for!" to show the girl that the attention is appreciated, personally I keep quiet as the not knowing where this will lead is all part of the experience for me.
The masseuse should start with your shoulders and upper back and really work any knots and tense muscles that she comes across. Ideally she should have long and flowing strokes with at least one hand on your body at all times. Symmetry is very critical in a massage so she wants to mirror her strokes on both sides of your body. I can normally tell within 5 minutes if a masseuse knows what she's doing, if she's a rookie or that she doesn't give a fuck about the quality of the massage. If the pressure is too hard to too soft then feel free to give her feedback as your paying for this shit so you want to enjoy it! As I mentioned in the "How to get a massage happy ending?" post, don't lay there like a fucking corpse, try chatting with the girl and building up a connection. An hour is a long time to be trapped in a cubicle together and the girls are often bored out of there minds so if you can make them relax or laugh then it'll improve your chances of scoring some spicy extras. That being said, if you're an awkward bastard and can only communicate via dank memes then don't force a conversation, trust me, she doesn't want to hear about your my little pony collection.
After working on your neck and shoulders, her hands should now drift to your lower back and start stroking and caressing your ass. You'd be surprised how many knots and tender points are in your butt realm so it feels fantastic to have a girl run her oily hands up and down this region. A good erotic masseuse will use this opportunity to subtly slide a finger down your ass crack and tease your anus and balls with a quick oily stroke. It's super hot when the girl doesn't linger in this area and instead teases you with the odd wicked grope which leaves your mind racing with the thought "is this chick going to get me off at the end?". Often the girl will climb onto the table, sit herself on your ass and massage your back as this positions allows her to really put her strength into the action. Following this, the masseuse will then move to massaging your legs and it's generally at this stage of the massage that you'll find out if a happy ending could be on the cards.
The leg portion massage should start with those feminine calves of yours and she'll then cover your upper legs and inner thighs with warm oil. Her strokes will sweep along your inner thighs before subtly running along your balls and teasing your anus. Odds are she'll spread your legs apart so she can gain full access to the organs that control the opening and closing of your wallet. A profcient erotic masseuse will raise your legs to the side so your knee is level with your hips, this gives her a perfect view of your genitals and she can prod, stroke and dislocate until you're squirming with pleasure. Once the leg massage is done, she'll either leave to get the dreaded hot towel (more on this later) or she'll lightly run her finger tips around your ass and balls and may even reach under and slowly stroke your oily cock. It's pretty much a given now that you'll be getting a happy ending.
Next update we'll detail what happens when the masseuse tells you to flip over and that's where the real fun begins. Apologies for the small/lame update, the hard-drive crash had more critical data than I had initially thought so it's been a battle to get everything back up and running.
Happy Endings Fellas