Massagebation: Gigi Rivera full service massage sex photos
Gigi Rivera naked and primed for sex has surely got to be top 10 when it comes to vicious wank sessions right? Before you whip out that pitiful and flaccid excuse for manhood, let me lay the scene;
Your sacks are full, it feels like your ballbags haven't been emptied since King Arthur, The knights of the round stable and Excaliblahblah were relevant. You need to detonate this load or the next wet-dream could inseminate the entire street in a tsunami of vile ejeculate.
"What is your major malfunction?" you scream at your depressed cock and the answer is clear
You jump in that car and you hit that mexican border like a retard possessed, when the immigration nazi at the border demands "Purpose of visit?" you smugly reply "I have a weakness for prostitutes – all kinds apparently" and you're suddenly in mexico with nothing but a raging erection and a thirst for flesh tacos.
You scuttle into the nearest and seediest massage parlor you can find which is called "Mi sirenita" and you are greeted by a masseuse that looks exactly like Gigi Rivera. Ok so maybe not "exactly" like her, her tits may be flapjacks and that disgusting beergut may wilt your erection but the main thing is your cock is bigger than hers. She says something in Mexican which you assume is "follow me handsome" but later you find out was "Where'd you get your clothes from...the... toilet store?"
She stays in the massage cubicle as you strip off and you pretend to ignore her smile when she gets a glimpse of your poppa smurf. You sigh and lay down on the massage bed and she oils you up for a mind blowing sensual massage. She hungrily demands you flip over and reaches for your cock to give you the famous Gigi Rivera full service massage sex experience. You blow a load so fucking colossal, so fucking voluminous that Donald Trump thinks America is being bombed and he orders your balls to be nuked.
Previous Massagebation Girls:
<Insert shabby yet well-rehearsed excuse for gaps between erotic massage guide updates here>
Regular readers/retrogrades will know my updates are routinely late and my blogs pretty much the menstruation cycle of the internet - monthly, grouchy and if you've missed it then there's a good chance some demon is growing inside of you (you've been warned folks!). Last update we got deep into the happy ending territory of your erotic massage and we scrutinised how much cash you should be coughing up to have your masseuse burp that oily dick of yours. The masseuse has just purred my favourite fucking sentence into your ear;
Would you like a happy ending or extras?"
I pray for your cocks sake that you've stammered
If you let my cock go now, that'll be the end of it. I will not look for you, I will not pursue you. But if you don't, I will look for you, I will find you, and I will kill you."
So we'll pretend for my sanity's sake that you've gulped an affirmative to the happy ending and she's hit you up with the delightful menu of extras and you've chosen what your cock desires and what your budget allows.
So what now you plead?
Well my pupils, here's a happy ending handbook that will give you some guidance on paying for those much desired massage extras
ω Haggle: Feel free to haggle over the price on the happy ending menus as nothing is set in semen, only you know how much it's worth to have your glorious seed flying across the massage cubicle (or sadly drooling on your stomach after a penguin like takeoff). Obviously the erotic masseuse has a price in mind as well and she's fully aware that any price that's set now will dictate future happy ending negotiations. My tip is to find a a happy medium as you wanna get off but you want her to be financially invested as trust me her enthusiasm levels won't be top notch after you've promised to pay her in loose change and your Bobs BBQ "frequent fryer" discount card.
Keep in mind that if you are a first timer at this particular parlor then you have no idea as to how impressive / depressing the happy ending is going to be. That mind-blowing handjob could be the equivalent of Jack Burton fucking Lo Pan's shit up or the blistering mailed-in equivalent of anything Edward Norton has excreted post 2002 (in his honour we should name any shitty handjob an "Italian Job"). So go somewhere in the middle as that way you can reward the girl in the future if she ups her extras game and you haven't blown all your beer money if she turns out to be a flop. My experience is that most parlor girls will go the extra mile on that first session as they are competing for your business with other girls at the parlor and they are hoping to rope you in for future bookings. Whereas private girls (chicks who massage from home) often improve over time as they'll up the service after they are comfortable and know you're a good client and not a sleaze (like me).
ω Pay now or pay later?: This is entirely up to the girl and 90% of the time you will pay AFTER you've launched a load but I've been asked from time to time to pay prior to the finish? Why the fuck would I pay first you ask? It's all because some slimy customer has ripped off a girl in the past and now she's wary of getting stiffed on her payment after the session. It's pretty crummy but I've heard a number of stories from girls where clients pull some of the following shady acts;
• Solid Snake: The slippery customer stealths out of the cubicle and out the front door without paying for the extras. He probably assumes it's unlikely that the girls going to chase him into a public place and start yelling about blowjob compensation. This is a pretty sure fire way to get yourself blacklisted or your ass beat.
• Phantom Menace: The customer peers into his wallet and feigns a look of surprise that there's no money in there and promises "Sorry it turns out I'm a fucking retard and don't actually have any cash. Let me race down to an ATM and I'll be right back with the money!" - never to be seen again.
• Mr Pink: This customer just flat out refuses to pay or tip. He'll mutter something about shitty service and then stand firm and refuse to pay. He knows the girl doesn't have any legal options as she can't really call the police and inform them that she's just taken a salty load to the tonsils and the customer won't pay.
Don't be one of these fucking guys ok! It ruins it for the rest of us as nothing fucking sucks more than laying on that massage bed, all ready for a greasy handjob, sloppy blowjob or the girl to fulfil your prison fantasy with a strap-on and she stops everything and asks for cash. You've then gotta clamber off the bed, sift through your jeans to find your elusive wallet which you them clumsily drop and photo's of your wife spill out along with huge wads of cash (despite telling her you could only cough up $30) and you end up looking foolish all because some prick couldn't fucking post-pay!.
ω Pay cash: I've harped on about this a number of times I know but let's go over it one more time chaps. You can pay for the actual massage on card but you always pay for the happy ending with cold hard cash. There's a number of reasons for this like;
• The boss may not know the masseuse is blowing customers for extra cash so when you pay on card for that jizz and tonic, the masseuse has to ask the boss to transfer her that money and alarm bells will be raised when a customer is tipping $50 for a bog standard massage.
• You don't want charges showing up on your credit card records from places like "Ruby's Rub-n-Tug Ranch".
• No chick wants to pay tax on a fucking handjob bro.
That's for this update, hopefully you've worked out "paying for massage extras", next update we'll delve into each extra on the menu starting with the underappreciated "Handjob".
Happy Ending Boys.