Last update we discussed the signs that may alert you to the presence of an erotic massage palor and I'm hoping you took my degenerate advice and put yourself in a position to get yourself a happy ending.
Now that you've found yourself an erotic massage parlor, extras and potentially full service (sex!) are only a stroke away right?
After all, the famous nuclear physicist Pete Sampras once pondered;
Forehand, backhand, forehand, backhand - deuce
I know you're thinking "But if it's an erotic massage parlour dickcheese, then loads MUST be unleashed?"
Very few erotic massage parlors are actually registered as one...why?
Thanks to these petty fucking local laws and nosy-ass city councils, most erotic massage parlors are masquerading as therapeutic massage shops to circumvent the retarded prostitution laws. For a guy just looking to get his manjam emptied this is very fucking annoying! Due to this, it's not always a given that extras will be offered at a massage parlor. This is especially true if you're a first time customer or look anything like a police officer (thankfully I have the muscle definition of a 12yo boy so I'm never troubled by that!)
If you've visited the massage parlor before and received a happy ending then it's a near certainty you'll be offered one again. You always run the risk of getting a different masseuse though and some may offer alternative extras or none at all *sobs*.
You could ask the massage receptionist if extras are on offer but most staff aren't going to say yes as other legit customers may overhear. Staff realise that it's much more profitable for them to ask you for extras in the privacy of a massage cubicle where you're a slave to your throbbing erection. I tend to take my chances, personally most of the thrill of an erotic massage is not knowing if extras are going to be offered. You do run the risk of blue-balls and a hit to the wallet but it's all part of the experience son.
So you've been led to your massage cubicle and the girl has told you to strip off your clothes, lie down and she'll be back soon. How can you improve your chances of discharging a load?
You're home alone, you're horny as fuck and sick to death of swiping Tinder profiles of hambeasts, trannies and that creepy principal from school with the dermatitis-afflicted lips. Sure, you could launch into a vicious porn-hub inspired wank session or bust out the tainted fleshlight but we all know the hollow feeling of failure the moment that you bust that sad nut.
As the renowned historian Hans Gruber once stated;
"You miss a 100% of the nuts you don't bust"
I'm not sure what he meant by that but when in doubt - trust the Gruber folks.
Listen up dicklips, pick yourself up, climb out of the Sarlacc pit and hunt down an erotic massage palour.
"But how do I find one Wallace? - take me to the promised land!"
Locating an authentic erotic massage parlour can actually be tricky when you're new to the game as there's two places that look like they'd offer sensual massage but don't;
Many erotic massage parlous will market themselves as therapeutic massage to circumvent prostitution laws or to grab the non erotic clientele as well (I've been jerked off before as a house-wife in the cubicle next door has been chatting about the latest Downton Abby episode!) so you gotta look past the surface.
Here's a rough guide to picking the difference between a therapeutic massage practitioner and an erotic one (Please note that most of my reference and experience is dabbling in the US/Australia/Asia so what applies here might be vastly different from other parts of the world so if you get your genitals chopped off for following my advice in Saudi Arabia then...well...start a eunuch blog I guess!)
So here we go -