Erotic Massage Parlor & Spa Reviews
Being a massive erotic massage addict, I’ve frequented hundreds of massage spa’s and parlors over the years so I’m going to share some reviews / adventures at some of the local establishments. Some details may be changed to avoid the pesky long arm of the law, last thing we want to do is get a massage parlor shut down. Not all reviews will be stunning victories, I’ve absorbed my share of wasted erections by stumbling into a non-sensual massage parlor.
Mission Objective: Locate target, acquire extras. neutralise erection.
Target: Life Tree Massage
Potential Threats: Male Masseurs, annoying housewife clientele, potpourri.
Date/Time of extraction: 9pm Thursday Night.
I popped into Life Tree last night, parking was a breeze and the place is well lit. You need to get buzzed inside at night as the doors are locked but the girl did it right away. Inside it’s very nice but just had more of a day-spa feel to it than most AMP’s I frequent.
The girl at reception was a young, attractive Australian girl and she was super friendly. The whole process definitely started out differently than most places as she brought me to the counter and asked my first and last name. My mind raced as I tried to conjure up a fake name that I could subtly supply but everything I came up with was something autistic like “Ernie Extras” or “Freddy Fleshlight” so I stupidly just blurted out my real name. I was then sorta shocked as she asked for my phone number as well, what next?, would you like my DNA and a stool sample? I did manage to give her a fake number so I do apologise if some poor bastard gets divorced when his wife finds texts from a massage parlour! Unsure of what they do with the number but might scare off the more paranoid of punters.
She then went out back and brought out my masseuse who was a youngish girl from Korea. She was pretty but also looked pretty wholesome and the signs were not looking favourable for my mission mantra of “leave no boner behind”
The Korean girl showed me to the room which was really nice but again had more of a day-spa feel. It was full of flowers and candles but was really relaxing and the light was on a dimmer. She told me to undress but she told me firmly to leave my underwear on so I knew extras were pretty much out of the question – FUCK!
The massage was firm and really good but there was ZERO sensuality, and when I say Zero I mean no upper legs, no stomach, no butt and poor Wallace Jnr just slept through the whole damn experience. She was really nice though and we chatted for the entire session and I had to chuckle when she said;
“Sometimes this job makes me frustrated”
“Some guy think this is sexual service and try and ask for sexual things”
“You are kidding! Those sick sick bastards! Hard to believe there’s degenerates like that out there?…tsk tsk”
The massage finished and I was able to avoid doing the awkward “boner shuffle” where you get a sensual massage without the finish as it was purely therapeutic. The price was $55 which I thought was very reasonable but I think that’s only during certain times.
So there it is boys, don’t visit if your looking for extras as the place didn’t give off that type of vibe. It’s possible that other girls may offer but you’d be much better trying a place where it’s a guarantee. It’s well worth a visit if you strictly want a massage as the girls skills were top-notch and I felt really relaxed following the massage.
Mission Outcome: Erection MIA.