Erotic Massage Parlors Exposed
Apologies for the slowness of this update my fellow reprobates, some boorish real world shenanigans dragged me from our favorite topics of lubricative massages, whispered propositions and gelatinous finishes. Last blog update I ranted on massage parlors / spas and the topics of preferred method of payment, what questions may get asked by the boss and how you can avoid being stuck with a masseuse who's obese, hideous or has a dick.
Now that you've navigated through that mundane massage protocol, my update today will be part of the massage parlors exposed series.
You find yourself in a small massage cubicle and you're wondering what the fuck do you do now. Here's how things should proceed you manchild;
The masseuse (or boss) will show you into the room and give you instructions which is normally done in two ways, one of them potentially green-lights "Operation Ejaculation" and the other dooms you to "Mission Clogged-Balls"
Operation Ejaculation Briefing
Take off all of your clothes, lay down and the masseuse will be with you shortly"
This is a good start, being told to strip is your first step towards earning yourself at least a handjob. It's not a given though, you could still have strolled into therapeutic territory as it's very common for even a standard massage to require total nudity.
Mission Clogged-Balls Briefing
Take off your clothes but please leave your underwear on and lay down. Your sexual frustration will soon begin"
Things aren't looking good soldier, that clunge claymore you've been desperate to deploy for the whole week is probably going to have to be disarmed by hand at home. If the masseuse had any intention of giving you a dishonorable discharge then she wouldn't have put a fucking roadblock in front of your dick right? This has happened to me plenty of times and you just man the fuck up, enjoy the rub-down and awkwardly boner-shuffle the fuck out of the shop at the end.
The masseuse will then leave the room and you'll have 5 or so minutes to get yourself ready for the massage. Before you start pulling on or off the gimp-mask, have a look around the room and you may notice some of the following;
"This massage is strictly for relaxation and is of a therapeutic nature. Our massages are not intended for sexual gratification and any clients asking for sexual favors will be asked to leave. Please respect our staff and rules"
This is to put the innocent clients minds at ease that this chaste massage is virtuous and not a single drop of manjam has been spilled in a massage session here. I would love to yell "Our massages are not intended for sexual gratification!!!" as I bust a nut and then tell the masseuse that I couldn't possibly pay for the handjob as that would disrespect her.
That should wrap it up for today as I've rambled way to much as usual on the subject of massage parlors exposed, Next update we'll discuss the moment that the masseuse puts her greasy paws on you and what erotic adventures await.
Before I disappear, I'd like to give some shout-outs to some friends of this blog, please show them some love and check out there sites.
A top Aussie porn connoisseur by the name of Orsm who's been ejaculating quality porn posts longer than I can remember.
Mr Pink has a tremendous porn blog with some of the hottest girls. Hours of masturbation material here folks.
Last update I guided you on what sort of questions you'll get asked when you walk into an erotic massage den.
Before we get to the critical masseuse selection process, you need to cough up some money! You'll nearly always pay for the massage up front unless you're a regular customer. You're just paying for the massage here, any extras you may procure are negotiated in the room and paid directly to the masseuse (in cash!). Generally a one hour standard oil / Thai / Swedish massage will set you back between $60-$80 but I wouldn't be paying anything more than that. Here's some tips on paying;
We now need to get you into a room with the hottest massage girl on the roster as nobody likes getting rubbed down by the dreaded fat masseuse Debbie Diabeetus. If I spot any of the following traits or impairments then there's a good chance I'm either walking out, objecting or cursing my fucking luck;
Now that you've informed the staff that you've been there before and how long you'd like to get massaged for, they will likely assign you a masseuse in the following ways;
Don't be one of these guys, if you have an opportunity to walk away from a swamp-beast then fucking do it please. There's nothing worse than getting jerked off by someone who's bragging to you that they used to smear feces on punji-traps to infect GI's in the Vietnam War. Save your loads soldier!
Ok I've probably rambled enough so we'll sign off here and next update we'll discuss what to do when you're in the cubicle and the sensual massage is about to begin - about fucking time right?
Wonderful day to have a pleasant massage session. Enjoy this glorious babe lying on a table and getting a professional massage. Suddenly, her masseur is getting horny and starting to kiss her. She gives him a smoking-hot blowjob after he licks her pussy. It all finishes up with a session of hard banging and a delicious creampie inside