This massage pressure update is once again being ejaculated later than intended but I do have an excuse besides being a slothful fuck. The ol' hard-drive in my computer started making a ticking noise and we all know that is the equivalent of attempting to squeeze out a subtle fart in a public place and hearing the unmistakable gurgling sounds of a turd evacuating your anus - ye fucked laddie. Thankfully it wasn't my boot drive (SSD Master-Race over here) but I lost an ungodly amount of porn so I think we should share a moments silence for the demise of my revered masturbationary stash.
Thankfully I'm about to populate this post with a shit-tonne of nudity but first I have to remember where we were in our saintly quest for a happy ending. Ahhh, yes, last update I outlined what oddities, contraptions and sexual speed-traps you may discover in an erotic massage parlors cubicles. Now that we've got that fluff out of the way and you've been given instructions to strip by the masseuse and gotten your bearings, you'll need to follow this guide on being on the receiving end of an erotic massage;
You're now just going to relax and wait for the masseuse to enter the room. When she does she'll likely ask you the following question;
Do you want a soft, medium or hard massage?"
This is purely personal preference but I tend to rep the hard-clan, here's a basic run-down of our three massage pressure options;
A massage is very much like a steak and it's totally up to the individual, stick with the medium if you're new or haven't seen the girl before, hard (rare) if you have any muscle definition at all and soft (well done) if you're a wimp.
That's all for today ladies, I know this update was snack sized but we're closing in on the actual erotic massage and what type of extras will be offered so until then...
Erotic Massage Parlors Exposed
Apologies for the slowness of this update my fellow reprobates, some boorish real world shenanigans dragged me from our favorite topics of lubricative massages, whispered propositions and gelatinous finishes. Last blog update I ranted on massage parlors / spas and the topics of preferred method of payment, what questions may get asked by the boss and how you can avoid being stuck with a masseuse who's obese, hideous or has a dick.
Now that you've navigated through that mundane massage protocol, my update today will be part of the massage parlors exposed series.
You find yourself in a small massage cubicle and you're wondering what the fuck do you do now. Here's how things should proceed you manchild;
The masseuse (or boss) will show you into the room and give you instructions which is normally done in two ways, one of them potentially green-lights "Operation Ejaculation" and the other dooms you to "Mission Clogged-Balls"
Operation Ejaculation Briefing
Take off all of your clothes, lay down and the masseuse will be with you shortly"
This is a good start, being told to strip is your first step towards earning yourself at least a handjob. It's not a given though, you could still have strolled into therapeutic territory as it's very common for even a standard massage to require total nudity.
Mission Clogged-Balls Briefing
Take off your clothes but please leave your underwear on and lay down. Your sexual frustration will soon begin"
Things aren't looking good soldier, that clunge claymore you've been desperate to deploy for the whole week is probably going to have to be disarmed by hand at home. If the masseuse had any intention of giving you a dishonorable discharge then she wouldn't have put a fucking roadblock in front of your dick right? This has happened to me plenty of times and you just man the fuck up, enjoy the rub-down and awkwardly boner-shuffle the fuck out of the shop at the end.
The masseuse will then leave the room and you'll have 5 or so minutes to get yourself ready for the massage. Before you start pulling on or off the gimp-mask, have a look around the room and you may notice some of the following;
"This massage is strictly for relaxation and is of a therapeutic nature. Our massages are not intended for sexual gratification and any clients asking for sexual favors will be asked to leave. Please respect our staff and rules"
This is to put the innocent clients minds at ease that this chaste massage is virtuous and not a single drop of manjam has been spilled in a massage session here. I would love to yell "Our massages are not intended for sexual gratification!!!" as I bust a nut and then tell the masseuse that I couldn't possibly pay for the handjob as that would disrespect her.
That should wrap it up for today as I've rambled way to much as usual on the subject of massage parlors exposed, Next update we'll discuss the moment that the masseuse puts her greasy paws on you and what erotic adventures await.
Before I disappear, I'd like to give some shout-outs to some friends of this blog, please show them some love and check out there sites.
A top Aussie porn connoisseur by the name of Orsm who's been ejaculating quality porn posts longer than I can remember.
Mr Pink has a tremendous porn blog with some of the hottest girls. Hours of masturbation material here folks.